I have learned so much about you and I this past year and especially in these last several weeks since I fell and hurt myself badly. That fall was actually 8 weeks ago today. Let me back up though to almost a quarter of a century ago.
Twenty-four years ago, this month, after a brief meeting, our journey unknowingly began. My life would never be the same after having met you. There was something about you. Yet it took an immense amount of self-introspection these last 8 weeks to recognize fully what I have been so lucky to have all along. You, my husband, you are by far so much more than I realized in our younger years.
They say true love cannot be completely defined by a series of words or definitions in the dictionary. This is true. Yet I can define my love for you by conveying the ever-lasting thoughts I have come to in the last 8 weeks. Telling you that the last 8 weeks has changed forever the way I will live the rest of my life with you.
In these last 8 weeks, having to be still, I began to wonder, intensely, why I was always running and racing to find a way to define myself, individually, outside of the “us” that we are. But I already was an individual that you fell in love with…just the way I was. What was I doing? Why was I doing this? Why was I so distracted from the best thing I had, right here by my side the whole time? What kind of proof did I feel I had to create to feel better about myself? What was I doing to us? Why was I doing what I was doing?
My love, I think I never thought I was really good enough for you. No university degree, no thriving business, no amazing product for my patents…basically, no self esteem through academic or some productive, grandiose achievement. Was I smart enough for you? Attending classes, chasing ideas and deals, selling, writing articles for a local website, trying to improve myself but not through real introspection. Trying to change you, the best thing that ever happened to me. Expecting you to be something you were not instead of appreciating just what you were, right here all along. How much time have I wasted?
From here, right today, almost 24 years to the day we met, I am proud to be your wife and a mom and stepmom to our 6 (some grown) kids. I need nothing else. I need absolutely nothing else. I am a happy, proud, fulfilled woman who wants to be with you always. I want to walk with you, travel with you, eat new foods with you, dance again one day with you, watch movies with you, read the paper with you, sing loudly in the car with you, walk our gardens and lay in the hammock with you and do so much more with you. I love you. I want to keep growing older and older with you…and laugh with you all along the way.
I’m proud of me. I’m proud of you and I’m proud of us. You mean the world to me.
Thank you for your undying patience, kindness, understanding and love for me.