~ Ra Uru Hu
As a therapist I often hear, “If only he or she would do this or that, I would be so much happier.” No matter how hard we try, we cannot change another person. And if they change for you and not for themselves, the change will be fleeting.
There is an amazing sense of freedom when we give up our need to change others.Â It is never our job to change anyone. Thinking it is our job is not only a huge burden for us to carry but it is also hurtful and damaging to the people in our lives.
The urge to control others is familiar to many of us, especially those who were judged and criticized as children. We feel that if we give up the task of changing others we will lose control. And losing control is scary.
It is a difficult task to let go of this illusion of control. I have found a way that helps me honor the individuality and autonomy of my loved ones. It begins by looking at them through the eyes of love and seeing beyond their outward actions and into their soul, their essence.
Try this exercise.
Bring into your mind a person you want to change.Â Close your eyes and see into their heart. Feel their hurt, their pain, their struggles. See the scared little kid. Then picture a light around your heart and send that light to their heart. And feel the light as it warms and holds you both. Focus on what is good and beautiful and true about them. Take as long as you need.
The next time you are with them bring back that light. See their essence. Feel their spirit. And know on a deep level that this is their life, their journey of learning and growing. You are just there to love them.
Doing this will change everything. You will feel lighter and happier. And so will they. It will also set off a chain reaction of love, for as they experience being seen differently, they will begin to see others differently too.
Love and acceptance have magical powers.
How different would the world be if we were open to loving and accepting our fellow travelers? How much more peace would we feel? How free would we be? In letting go of our need to control anyone else, we have time to work on the one person we CAN change…ourselves.
Brenda Strausz is a holistic therapist with a practice in Southfield.Â She is dedicated to helping people to live with more love, peace and joy. She can be reached at www.BrendaStrausz.com or firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Â© Copyright 2011 Â Allison Stuart Kaplan Â www.Askinyourface.com LLC