Support And Nonsupport

Support-vs-nonsupportThe people that support us most or least becomes obvious at different times in our lives. Due to differing circumstances and personal biases, sometimes the people that loves us the most have the hardest time supporting our major growth endeavors that involve risk or change. Being unsupported can show up in our friends, family, and coworkers in different ways. Sometimes it’s a coworker undermining us, a friend belittling us, or a family member denying approval, all in an attempt to hold us back from our fullest potential.

This behavior comes from fear. It could be a fear of loss, rejection, or inferiority that has some of the people closest to us not being fully supportive. We can see how their fear unfolds into behaviors; but unfortunately it creates an aversion, usually on both sides, in the relationship.

At times the people not supporting us are so caught up in their fear that they have become their own worst enemy. At some point we must remove or distance ourselves from the undermining, two-faced, belittling person so we can continue growing. This means that this persons’ biggest fear happens: they suffer loss, rejection, inferiority, or whatever their fear was, because instead of appreciating and supporting our highest good, they tried to stop the growth process by breaking us down.

Of course we have all acted out in fear of losing some one we love or feeling inferior, but it is those that are willing to own this fear and reactivity from fear that are able to move forward in their relationships in a new way. It tends to be much easier to see this self-defeating behavior in others more so than in us. I can see it in myself and realize it doesn’t feel good to be on either end of the spectrum.

When people aren’t supporting us and we aren’t supporting them, we might as well say goodbye because the relationship will eventually fade or become completely superficial unless we are willing to talk to them about it. Now is when open communication is the key. Instead of just allowing the relationship to fall apart, there may be a deeper relationship that can be developed out of getting real with each other. If love and peace is what we want in our lives, then we need to be willing to take the risk of productive confrontation when it is necessary.

These are some of the conversations that matter most and build the strongest bonds. Today stop holding yourself back from what you need to say and support the people around you openly and honestly.

Courtesy of The Dare To Be You.

You may also like:

Letting Go With Love

10 Ways to Create a Strong, Intimate Relationship

Reinventing Intimacy

© Copyright 2011  Allison Stuart Kaplan LLC

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