When I spontaneously started Askinyourface.com two and a half years ago, I had no idea–not an inkling–that I would ever be writing about cancer, my cancer. Our minds just don’t work like that; I don’t believe they are supposed to. I have tried to live my life as an optimist with dedicated positivity. I’m being tested now.
We all seem to have these neat, little mechanisms in our brains that work diligently to protect us from frightening thoughts of our inevitable mortality. I don’t think this defensive strategy is denial, but more simplyÂ intelligent and orderly preparation for events to come. You know, the “in God’s big plan for us” type. Those of which we are completely unaware, those with ZERO control! Â Blessed genetics, daily exercise, healthy diet, low stress levels, loving relationships, being nice, meditation–all of it, any of it–will not always prevent cancer from catching us!
Digression: What the f….? Â You? Allison? You of all people? You have cancer? How in the hell, in God’s right mind, could you have cancer? Â You have always been the model of health, eaten right, worked out everyday, slept right, managed life right, and have been the one to teach us and guide us about how to protect ourselves from sickness. How could this possibly be? I just don’t believe it! I won’t believe it! We depend on YOU, we need you to keep us healthy and strong. Now what?
Hey, over here….I’m still here.
Scary, right? If it can happen to me, then I suppose it can happen to any person. Cancer is just an ugly fact of life; more common than not, it seems, it affects our loved ones and ourselves. And there is nothing anyone can do about it! Or, is there?
My head is often spinning with strange, new, sometimes uncomfortable and scary thoughts. (I recently saw some really frightening stuff at MD Anderson Cancer Center. Though luckily I also experienced amazingly positive things.)
Ok, here comes the positive spin, my optimistic view of the whole situation. I’m hopeful that because of my prior healthy lifestyle habits, (mind you, not always perfect and pristine) my immune system, my body, and my spirit will be strong enough, tough enough, good enough to keep this cancer from taking my life from me too soon or from making me sick. Right now, I feel just fine! Â And I’m going to do my absolute best to maintain the status quo. I will continue to live each day the best way I know how; exercise everyday, make healthy dietary choices, sleep well, play, work, relax, love and laugh often. I hope it works!
I’ve only had cancer for a month now; it’s a lot to deal with. Much has transpired and changed in this short time, and my life as I knew it will never be the same. Oh, how sickeningly cliché–but so true! I have started a blog. This is what I seem to do: I write and share and hope to help others while doing so.
My web guy and dear friend, Tim, who has led me down this internet path, doesn’t like the word “blog.” “What exactly should I call it then?” I ask him. Â As always, he is thinking about it. God help me! I’ll let the man think. In the meantime I have begun to write about my experience with cancer. I don’t know how often I will write or what about. I’m obviously “out there” in your face with much of life’s shenanigans, my stuff, your stuff…this IS what makes me tick. My cancer journey will be no different.
To read more on Allison’s Cancer journey, check out Cancer In Your Face.
Â© 2011 Copyright Â Allison Stuart Kaplan Â www.Askinyourface.com LLC