The brand Life is Simple® got it wrong.
They should reconsider their slogan. Eat, Sleep, Play Soccer? More like, Eat, Sleep, Poop.
We openly talk a lot about eating well and sleeping well. Why not pooping well? Just as if a lack of food or sleep can cause you to be cranky, same goes for pooping.
Have you ever not gone to the bathroom for a day? The next day you’re stressed out, wondering, Why haven’t I gone? Then, by the third, fourth, fifth days, you’re so desperate you’re drinking tons of water, wavering between eating more, hoping that food will give it a little push, and not eating at all, thinking more food will continue to clog your system. In the end, you’re in knots, in pain, stressed and pissed off.
I’ve been there. And you have, too.
Let’s take a few steps back to understand why pooping is such an essential part of our daily routines and how we can make sure that our bowel movements are healthy.
Freud was on to something. He made anal retention famous. Anal retention is an obsession with detail and habits. Hence, being obsessed with pooping.
The word “poop” comes from the Middle English word poupen or popen, meaning “fart.” Around 1900, “poop” came into its present meaning. In Southeast Asia, you squat over a porcelain-lined trench; in Europe, you use a bidet for hosing your bum; in the U.S., you take care of your business sitting on a toilet. But, no matter where you live, everyone poops.
In short, pooping eliminates toxins. Except for sweating, it is the only way our body can. Often, the real cause behind sickness and disease is this retention and re-absorption of toxic waste. A sluggish bowel can retain pounds of old, poisonous fecal matter. Sometimes constipation is caused by a disease, like Irritable Bowel Syndrome, while other times it is a disruption in your normal routine or an inadequate amount of fiber in your diet.
You must help peristalsis, the contraction of the muscles lining your bowels in a wave-like motion, to help push the stool out of your colon and keep your body fresh.
What exactly dictates the make up, color, size, shape and smell of poop?
About 75% of poop is made of water. This value is highly variable, of course, because it all depends on how much water and what type of foods you intake. As the fecal material passes through your intestines, water is absorbed. The more water, the easier the flow.
The remaining 25% deals with a number of things. Part is composed of dead bacteria lining your intestines that assist us in the digestion of our food. Another part is indigestible matter, called fiber. Fiber helps poop move through the intestines. This is partly why a high fiber diet of greens and fruits are vital to the digestive process. The last part is a mixture of protein and fats, such as cholesterol, inorganic salts, live bacteria, dead cells and mucus from the lining of the intestine.
The color comes mainly from bilirubin, a pigment produced from the breakdown of red blood cells in the liver and is removed from the body in the feces. Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise under certain circumstances. For example, if you eat beets, your poop may be a bit red.
The color and texture can change also if you have diarrhea. Diarrhea is caused by irritation in the intestines, resulting in the bowel passing its contents too fast for the water to be absorbed. There can be several causes, including infection by bacteria or viruses, irritation caused by unfamiliar foods, food allergies, lactose intolerance, medications, and nervousness.
The smell of poop is the product of bacterial action. Bacteria produce smelly, sulfur- or nitrogen-rich organic compounds. These are the same compounds that give farts their odor.
Eating meat also affects the smell. Meat protein is rich in sulfides, causing it to smell more than a diet rich in vegetables, fruits and grains. Another plus of vegetarianism.
Laxatives and enemas have become popular, almost acceptable ways to eliminate toxins and cause bowel movements. However, they also disrupt normal rectal muscle function and have lasting negative effects on your ability to have a bowel movement naturally.
Taking probiotics, eating a high raw, high fiber diet, exercising and drinking lots of water are healthy ways to facilitate a daily pooping routine. It is healthiest to poop everyday. It’s like taking out the trash. If you leave it in the house, it starts to smell.
This “routine” is different for everyone. Here are some common rituals:
Reading magazines, talking on the phone, drinking coffee in the morning, smoking a cigarette, drinking lemon water.
People are obsessed with pooping. It is arguably the most liberating experience. Our moods are influenced by whether or not we have. We think about it, talk about it, obsess over it, hide it. Some are extremely comfortable chatting about it with friends and family. Others avoid it. Still, I guarantee every person checks it out. So don’t be shy. Give it a good look next time!
And if your mother asks you, even when you’re 50 years old, “Did you move your bowels today?” reply with a satisfied “Yes!”
Here are some of my favorite names:
1. bowel movement
3. butt butter
8. funky monkey
9. hershey squirts
10. Indian rug burns
11. Move your bowels
12. number two
13. root beer float
16. drop a load
17. drop the kiddies off at the pool
18. empty the poop shoot
19. hit the can
20. lay a brick
21. lose ten pounds in one minute
22. make room
23. pinch a loaf
24. take a dump
25. unleash the snickers bar
26. angry firefighters
27. butt juice
30. bound up
31. clogged up
32. “Constipation, idioation, ready-o, let’s go, starting with zero.” Exactly, zero, nothing coming out!
33. Full of shit
34. Plugged up
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