The Real Deal On Finding Love

finding-loveI was watching the local news the other day (first mistake), and heard a report about the odds being stacked against single New York City women.

Here was the math:

8 million singles

4 million married men

2 million just not that into you

2 million sad lonely women snuggling with cats

Hello, who produces this stuff? Okay, I can’t lie–I used to agree with all this garbage. In fact, the other night I had flashbacks overhearing some girl start in with the whiney “There are no good men in this city” routine.

Today, I don’t give a darn about the stats. What you say to yourself is what you see. If you walk around with the belief that dating is hard, then poof: That’s exactly what you’ll get in life. When you believe a theory, your brain gathers the evidence every day. The truth is, women are finding love and are getting married every hour in this city. (Some of them even venture out to New Jersey to broaden their scope. Oh my!)

My dating life shifted for me dramatically when I made a few changes:

Got Loving–With Myself!

No one is ever going to love you more than you love yourself. In other words, until you’re 100 percent into YOU, no one else will be. Do whatever it takes to increase your self-confidence and love who you are (curly, frizzy hair and all). I took time for yoga, meditation and a few personal development classes. I got connected to my true self. I mean, think about it. If you’re not connected to who you really are, how the heck are you going to connect with someone else?

Got Real

Do you think every single person actually wants to be in a relationship? The reality is that many of us of are scared silly of commitment and dirty diapers. Society and our families put so much pressure on us to settle down at a time when many simply aren’t ready. Until we get clear about what we really want (not what our mothers want), love can’t come our way. Life brings us exactly what we’re asking for. You may not consciously know it, but (whispering) you may be asking to be single. The first step to changing this is recognizing it.

Got Open

I always said I wanted to be in a relationship, but I was closed as a powerless Kindle. I found something wrong with every guy I went out with. In turn, they found many more things wrong with me. (Karma’s a real bear.) I walked into a room with a “Stay back, buddy” vibe. I dreaded every blind and online date. Then one day, I started to say “Yes!” to everything and everyone. I never turned down an invitation to meet someone. Whenever anyone spoke to me, I put down the iPhone and offered up my attention. I changed my vibe and started noticing great romantic opportunities around me.

Got Into the Imperfect

I stopped concentrating on what I didn’t like about each guy I met. If you pay attention to what you do like about someone, more of that grows. My good friend Andrea Syrtash just published an amazing book, “He’s Just Not Your Type–and That’s a Good Thing.” She explains how and why going after the guy every girl wants can usually lead no where. I now see that the “non-types” are actually pretty great catches. Expand your scope. Look for the potential, not the perfect.

Don’t believe the hype that dating is rough in this city. Everything starts with you. Your attitude and new perspective can increase your chances of meeting your adorably imperfect soul mate in the city.

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