I Fear I Will Suffer My Eating Disorder Forever

The following comment is from a mom in her forties suffering from an eating disorder in response to the article “Nature or Nurture? Your Eating Disorder Could Be Killing Your Daughter”

I asked Angela R. Wurtzel, Eating Disorder Specialist and consultant to Askinyourface.com to respond.

You Ask:


I am so glad this was published. I have an eating disorder and have for years. I have a young daughter (9) but don’t make comments about my disorder or the body image issues, etc. I treat her, and hear the words coming out of my mouth, in the way I wish I could hear myself say and BELIEVE them. I will, hopefully one day! I fear I will suffer forever.

Frustrated in her forties!

We Answer:

Dear Frustrated in her forties,

Thank you for your vulnerability by reaching out to Ask in Your Face. It sounds like you are trying your very best and hardest to protect your daughter from comments about body size, image, food and weight. In the article “Nature or Nurture? Your Eating Disorder Could Be Killing Your Daughter,” Ms. Kaplan emphasizes not only the importance to contain oneself in expressing negative and destructive thoughts toward oneself particularly in the presence of your child, but also, Ms. Kaplan strongly states that children truly follow what a parent DOES and not necessarily what a parent says. So, even if a well intentioned parent is not saying certain negative comments, but, is continuing to engage in eating disorder behaviors, a child is very likely to pick up these tendencies because of the nature of the relationship between mother and child. This is not meant to scare or threaten you, however, I would strongly encourage anyone in your situation who has been struggling with an eating disorder for many years and has found no reprieve, to seriously consider entering into a committed therapy relationship where understanding the purpose, underlying dynamics and deep emotional roots of the eating disorder will be explored and processed. This type of approach is imperative because behavior change is very resistant when dealing with an eating disorder and to achieve and sustain change a true and empathic understanding of the eating disorder is essential. If you need resources in your area Ask In Your Face is a reliable resource for you in quest to seek help and safety.

Angela Wurtzel can be reached at:  tel/fax 805-884-9794  angela@angelawurtzelmft.com

Angela R. Wurtzel provides psychotherapy services in both Santa Barbara and San Luis Obispo. Angela is available to answer any questions you may have over the phone. All calls are completely confidential.

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  1. Great post! Very informative. But all your site is amazing! Keep working!

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