Today I was faced with a trip to the dreaded BATHING SUIT department. I have been in pursuit of the “perfect” bathing suit for years. At least once a year, I make this trip, convincing myself that this will be the year that I will look like the women in the February issue of Sports Illustrated! Well, maybe not that perfect but I can dream! Every year I have this brief conversation with my girlfriend: “So what are you doing today?” Oh, I gotta go get a new bathing suit or two. “ Which follows by: “What for? You just got a new one last year? What’s with all the bathing suits?” accompanied by her scowl and a furrowed brow. She wouldn’t get it. This woman can put anything on and look good! And she actually swims in her suits, yes, with flippers, goggles, weights of some kind and whatever other athletic accoutrement she can come up with! AND she enjoys it! Not me, I don’t “swim!” I stand and suck in my stomach or sit and suck in my stomach or lay and suck in my stomach with my legs slightly raised and crossed just perfectly to have that “effect” of leanness and casual finess! Or, if I’m walking (which I try not to do) I have my hand dangling just so on the side-ish back of my “bad” thigh to hide the bulge as I try to slither to the pool’s edge to cool off. Aren’t vacations supposed to be relaxing?
Well, back to my quest for the bathing suit that will do it for me this year! Into Nordstroms I venture where they have my usual favorites: Donna Karan, Michael Kors, Le Blanca and Juicy (retro-style) to name some of them. Immediately, I covet the Juicy with the raucshing from top to bottom in gunmetal gray that is strapless. Very retro looking. And as most women, I grab a variety of sizes: a six, eight and a 10. Next I move onto Michael Kors. They usually have a fabulous plunging neckline used to distract from my thighs. And there’s always Le Blanca. They are experts in making gorgeous bathing suits. I grab a couple sexy one pieces and one or two tankinis. Right about then a darling sales person walks up and says “Hi, my name in Kyra. Can I help you?” So I show her what I’m already holding and she says these dreadful words, “How about a Miracle Suit?” “What?” I say. “No, way. Those are for old ladies. What kind of a name is “Miracle Suit?” Ick.” I like her though. She reminds me of Louise played by Jennifer Hudson in the movie Sex and the City. So just as to not hurt her feelings I take ONE Miracle Suit into the fitting room. She’s so bubbly and sweet I almost hope it will fit. I am not taking several of the same thing in different sizes to guarantee a purchase because I can’t imagine buying something called a “Miracle Suit.”
Half an hour later and 25 suits tried on and strewn about the room in every twisted, tangled up mess I reach for the Miracle Suit, now hoping for a miracle! Everything else has let me down. Well, ladies, the reason for this article……….it fit! And beautifully! Sexy, sophisticated, flattering and comfortable. I felt like a peacock with my plumage on full display! No Sports Illustrated, but I’ll settle for a beautiful peacock.